The Church Tries to Falsify My Transcendence
I stumbled onto a bizarre mechanism that the church hierarchy has in place to deal with persons who have direct spiritual experiences- or what the church describes as heretical episodes of revelations. The following story is an account of a most bizarre sequence of events proceeding from my continuing effort to get some help in understanding my transcendent experience.
Over a year had passed and I was hoping to meet someone who could give me some sort of professional perspective on the subject. I had bought a motel-lodge up in Boone, NC and had mailed a copy of my newly published pamphlet -"A Mystical Experience" to a guy I remember as the dean of religious studies at Duke University in Durham. I don't recall his exact title but he seemed interested in meeting with me and we set up an appointment to meet in his campus office. I found he had a reputation on campus as a popular, convivial, down-to-earth guy who liked to hang out with students at a local Rathskeller- joining with them for drinks and a cigar smoke. I figured he might provide some non-judgmental insight to my experience and to the general subject of transcendent phenomenon.
Instead- when I first entered his office he abruptly announced that he had arranged for me to meet with a "person" who was extremely interested in meeting with me for a first-person account of my experience. My meeting with the dean was very brief and there was no discussion that gave me any clue as to what his impression was to the account I had sent him, but I agreed to meet with this mysterious "person" expecting that he at least might enter into a two-way discussion with me. I was given the impression this "person" was a fellow colleague of the dean and just happened to be visiting Duke from some place in the Middle-East and was doing research on the subject of transcendence. Don't remember if I was immediately introduced to this guy or drove back down the next day to meet him at the campus cafeteria. In any event my memory of this guy is that he looked like a middle-eastern version of Max von Sydow in The Exorcist where he was digging at a spooky archaeological site - except he appeared to have a limp and something amiss in one eye. In any event he dispensed with any introduction or chit-chat about himself and immediately launched into a relentless interview into all the details of my experience- which left me rather drained and with exactly zero insight into the experience. He wanted to meet again for another "session" the next day and I suggested that in our next meeting he be more forthcoming about who he was, the nature of his research and a give-and-take discussion rather than his simply interrogating me. I remember his reply to the effect that he resented my making preconditions regarding the nature of our meeting and don't recall how I resolved that issue but did agree to meet for another "session" the following day.
That night just as I was falling into a normal sleep- without any sense of foreboding or warning of any kind- I was attacked by a horrendous demon. Nothing remotely similar had ever happened to me before and the effect was that I was fully awake and the demon was as real and substantive as a mountain lion would have been if it had actually leaped through an open window into my bedroom. The memory of this entity was that it had a flesh-and-blood, physical presence of invincible power and evil and was intent on dispatching me directly. It manifested in the form of a huge body with writhing clawed-armed tentacles with diabolical face, featuring a squid-like beak- the instrument for my imminent execution. For only a moment I was nearly overwhelmed in a state of absolute terror but in the next instance became embraced in a state of fearlessness and offered up my neck and thrust it towards its yawning beak in a kind of rapturous surrender. With that- the demon completely vanished- as if a bubble had burst, leaving me surprised but relieved and rather exhilarated from my victory in a brief battle that at first seemed utterly impossible for me to survive.
In mulling over the episode that night, I had come to the conclusion that this guy who had interviewed me was some sort of hit-man sorcerer who was employed by the church hierarchy to conjure up demons in a kind of reverse exorcism- to demoralize anyone who claimed any direct spiritual experience which challenged doctrinaire religious protocol. In this way the the church would lesson the likelihood that folks who had transcendent experiences would proselytize any spiritual theories that would in effect be heretical. The possibility that some victims might wind up psychotic basket-cases apparently was justified as collateral damage in the holy defense of the irrefutibility of church doctrine.
The next morning I was supremely confident in going to our planned meeting and eager- as the victor over his damned demon- to confront him. He was waiting in the cafeteria and the moment our eyes met, I felt mine shone with a cosmic strength and I could feel his gaze weaken and finally divert and not once did he look into my face again. I don't know if I have accurate memory of my last meeting with this guy at the cafeteria but my intuitive recall was that we went wordlessly through the check-out and lunch (I simply could not find words to acknowledge such a perfectly unreal series of events) and that I simply sent out waves of glory by which I was attempting to communicate to him that I was exhilarated and unvanquished and had figured him out. This apparently had the effect of humiliating him to the point where he had nothing to say. I never saw either of those guys again figuring they would never admit to their conspiracy.
A Traumatic Kundalini Meditation Experience
During the couple of years following my experience I only occasionally engaged in efforts via improvised meditation to connect with what I had experienced as cosmic consciousness. It wasn't until some 14 years later that I made an effort to learn a meditative practice. I had read the book by John Selby, A Gentle Guide to Kundalini, and tried applying his method of raising my kundalini through the seven chakras. After several months I was making very uneven progress but one evening started a typical session and raised kundalini from her base at the root chakra, up through the spleen chakra and into the navel chakra in the region of my stomach. Suddenly I was totally overwhelmed by a diabolical force/entity which gripped me in a devastating physical and mental turmoil. As I was about to lose all sense of control, I made a last ditch effort to surrender as I had done successfully with the demon that had attacked me years before but this proved completely ineffectual. The grip of this omnipotent force was tightening and seemed intent on annihilating me. In a last-ditch effort to admit defeat and using what seemed my last available conscious effort, I tore out of the chakra dimension into an agonized state of phenomenal self-control. I emerged with severe pain in my stomach and psychologically traumatized but grateful for having survived.
Inexplicably the next morning my ex-girlfriend surprised me with a visit extremely concerned over a dream she had the past night. She had a vivid dream in which she witnessed me experiencing excruciating stomach pain and finally saw my abdomen exploding. The dream was so realistic she felt compelled to rush over the next morning and check me out. While we had lived together she had previously exhibited psychic abilities in non-deliberate ways such as anticipating my phone calls, etc. but nothing so dramatic as in this last episode. It took a couple of weeks for my stomach to settle down and over a couple of months for me to mentally integrate the fact that there were always going to be psychic dimensions that I may not be able to cope with or understand. I never went back to chakras or kundalini practice again.
It was interesting that in 2004 I had a brief email exchange with John Selby who was living in
Hawaii and he was quite dismissive on the subject of Kundalini suggesting he gave up the practice years ago but with no explanation.
This traumatic experience undoubtedly resulted in my skepticism regarding kundalini yoga and indeed whether all forms of meditative practice are really distinguishable from psychic projection of scenarios that can arise in self-hypnosis.
Pitfalls on the Spiritual Road- Marja Savoia
George Arundale in his book Kundalini - an Occult Experience- "A person in whom kundalini is starting to move, lives in all respects under high pressure. Arundale writes that it is a concentration of power, which is the drop that makes the beaker flow over, and hurl the unfortunate one into a horrible darkness, if he is not a spiritual athlete. He considers that on our present level of development, there are without doubt already channels between the inner worlds and man, who mainly lives in the outer world. But such channels are not likely to be deep, and if suddenly a rush of force whirls through one or another of them, or directly into a physical organ, they may well 'burst,' and bring about catastrophe. Arundale's definite point of view is that the wise leave kundalini alone."
El Collie- online memorial of unpublished Kundalini chronicles by El Collie with narratives by others experiencing PKS- post kundalini syndromes.
Kundalini and the Paranormal - Proceed with Caution by Paul Pond, Ph.D. From BrainMeta Forum: The Kundalini hypothesis asserts that there is a specific psycho-physiological mechanism in human beings that is responsible for mystical experience, creativity, genius, psychic phenomena and, under certain conditions, some types of mental illness. We believe that mystical experience is the ultimate goal of the Kundalini process and the other benefits or "gifts" which result from this process are to be used cautiously lest the goal be lost. The purpose of this work is to examine the paranormal in terms of psychic powers, such as telepathy, clairvoyance, pre-cognition, healing, etc. and the danger the pursuit of these powers is said to hold for the spiritual seeker.
Spooky Chakra Meditation
During the beginning period of my experimenting with kundalini meditation and before the traumatic experiment described above, I started creating digital graphics for the chakra page of this website. I had been using an office computer I shared exclusively with the director of a small art center over the past two years. One night I had just turned on the computer and brought up the latest chakra image in the browser window and was doing a "test" meditation when the image appeared to slowly animate before my eyes. My first reaction was to disbelieve what I was experiencing but the animation became more intense as the image became deformed and morphed like some tortured amoeba. My disbelief evolved into the possibility that the chakra had somehow become possessed by the "spirit" of my kundalini. I put on my glasses to peer close up into what seemed to be transparent seams that appeared between the various color components of the image that seemed to provide windows into an interior dimension with patterns that suggested a protoplasm writhing underneath the overlying chakra shell. For a moment I wondered if I was actually glimpsing into the structure of my kundalini. In a last effort to grasp a logical perspective of this unbelievable performance, I leaned back in my chair and intuitively grasped my mouse (a symbolic action for control) at which moment the animation immediately terminated. This Eureka! moment instantly replaced all the metaphysical speculation with the likelihood that a technical explanation was possible.
That a mouse movement would effect the image on the browser screen logically suggested a screensaver function which for the past couple of years had shown Window's "flowerbox". I waited a few minutes watching the static chakra graphic when it suddenly became animated once again. Relieved that I was on the right track I checked the screensaver appearance function and discovered somehow the selection had been changed to "glob" or some such term. This saver application apparently subjects any screen image to become animated morphically in the way my chakra graphic was effected. The next real mystery was how my screensaver became altered. Next day I asked my computer partner if she had changed the screensaver but although she had not, she admitted that she had permitted her young nephew unsupervised access to our computer for a couple of hours.
So this technically and logistically explained the phenomena I experienced. However the greater mystery remaining is- what is the probability that precisely just as I meditated on my chakra image a "glob" program would have been surreptitiously chosen and installed that distorted the image in the most convincing way to appear that the image had come alive? Could this be an example of synchronicity with the "trickster" at play on the field of our consciousness and might this have been a subtle warning which had I heeded would have avoided the near catastrophe I subsequently experienced in kundalini meditation?
This unclassifiable story is about a satanic couple I unmasked after they had stalked and attacked a 15 year old camper in the Outward Bound program at Everglades National Park in what I am convinced was a failed attempt at a satanic ritual murder. The paranormal aspect relates to my vision of a piece of driftwood they presented to me as a satanic symbol.
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